Disappear

a dance in another space, relating to the memory of others, channeling the presence of someone else

7-6-2009 – again that same question: what is this piece?

this piece is about me, about lacks and fears, unsatisfied personal necessities. it’s a piece that started as a personal desire to tell the story of los Desaparecidos with my choreographic language and ended up using the vocabulary of forced disappearance of people to tell my own story.

the question was: what is my personal connection to the subject, to the Argentinian history I wanted to tell. and then it happened.

someone disappeared from my life

I wanted to disappear out of –

out of certain contexts, I think, like school, places where I would meet you,

places where I was confronted with myself

suddendly I was facing all my insecurities, all the failures, and had the feeling that me, something of me, had disappeared. or that it had never been there. that the things of myself I was left with were so unsatisfying, so embarrasing, that I wanted them to disappear. I wanted to transform myself. I wanted to be better, to learn everything that I felt I hadn’t learned in 4 years at the SNDO, in 27 years of meeting people. I wanted more love. I still do. I wanted to have a say over who I am, or at least to be more able to see who I am. I ended up doing a piece that exposes a lot of personal things, and that feels like it’s not who I am.

I have to watch out for trying too much to fulfill someone else’s desires. I don’t demand (much) from the audience, and I offer no warranties. I offer what I can offer. I invite you to try to relate to it, I’d like to share. you don’t have to like it. I don’t do it for you. my work I’m doing for myself. I need you, I want you, but I offer what I want and can, and you choose if it’s for you. we meet in the theater and, sometimes, we like each other, and sometimes we don’t.

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