Disappear
a dance in another space, relating to the memory of others, channeling the presence of someone else7-6-2009 – again that same question: what is this piece?
this piece is about me, about lacks and fears, unsatisfied personal necessities. it’s a piece that started as a personal desire to tell the story of los Desaparecidos with my choreographic language and ended up using the vocabulary of forced disappearance of people to tell my own story.
the question was: what is my personal connection to the subject, to the Argentinian history I wanted to tell. and then it happened.
someone disappeared from my life
I wanted to disappear out of –
out of certain contexts, I think, like school, places where I would meet you,
places where I was confronted with myself
suddendly I was facing all my insecurities, all the failures, and had the feeling that me, something of me, had disappeared. or that it had never been there. that the things of myself I was left with were so unsatisfying, so embarrasing, that I wanted them to disappear. I wanted to transform myself. I wanted to be better, to learn everything that I felt I hadn’t learned in 4 years at the SNDO, in 27 years of meeting people. I wanted more love. I still do. I wanted to have a say over who I am, or at least to be more able to see who I am. I ended up doing a piece that exposes a lot of personal things, and that feels like it’s not who I am.
I have to watch out for trying too much to fulfill someone else’s desires. I don’t demand (much) from the audience, and I offer no warranties. I offer what I can offer. I invite you to try to relate to it, I’d like to share. you don’t have to like it. I don’t do it for you. my work I’m doing for myself. I need you, I want you, but I offer what I want and can, and you choose if it’s for you. we meet in the theater and, sometimes, we like each other, and sometimes we don’t.
–> personal history
–> history of empty spaces (Will) – history of the process (Pole)
parallel histories that serve and inform the narrative of the personal: Argentina, the process, Death imagery
5-6-2009 – advise
too many directions, a bit difficult and confusing as a mix for an (uncontextualized) audience.
the older material (the abstract bare movement research material) had a very immediate quality that now is, paradoxically, gone.
there’s a need to understand the source of the materials in order to grasp them, a necessity for more information. the fact that it is now much more based on concrete actions and tasks demands more sense and clarity in terms of meaning.
cryptic – internal – not communicative enough
you need to step out and kill your darlings. look from outside, go analytical, choose what and how.
there is a dialogue between a conscious and an unconscious layer – what’s said is maybe different from what’s being thought. we can’t escape ourselves.
03-06-2009 – advise once more
it had better pacing, more directness, less hesitation… the collection of materials feels arbitrary and random, but more clear now. the MC frames a lot the perception of things coming, it heightens certain aspects related to death and destruction.
are we singing the song to each other? are we trying to draw the audience into the song? our different idiosyncrasies come up during the singing and also during the sci-fi-outer-space-film-projections…
what is the mode of communication between us? when do things end or begin, how do we share cues and appointments?
maybe we could clean the space in the end? after a bow? while the audience leaves? before a bow?
01-06-2009 – pentecostés
during the first section: I do want to keep searching for a structure; the impros are fine but I also want to try out organizing it – the danger is in loosing the episodic/fragmentary feel and the playfulness between us two. it could become quite stiff…
31-5-2009 – rehearsal for free
SloMo solo in the westerpark:
– find a way to enter: the transition is very important, he should take a moment to enter the walk without rushing, more overlapping with the leaves
– the curve needs to end up not too much to the side
– more projection from eyes and chest
– in the embrace, more projections through the fingers to then draw back from the pelvis first; no more stepping once it started
– transitions: longer, dont’ forget head, don’t do very risky things (e.g., balance)
28-5-2009 – what’s happening in this piece?
there’s a series of attempts at understanding and showing myself more, being more open and honest – it’s crucial to try not to hide behind forms and not to comment on what we do.
the relationships to the materials are, of course, essential. do we need to relate to them in the same way every time? we certainly need to relate to each other – that’s there in the playfulness, in having fun together at least with some of the materials. an idea is to make sure that we agree on some materials being shared fully and for sure – e.g., the Satellite phrase.
how to establish more of a connection between us during the Solo? opening up (peripheraly) to a shared space, understanding that we become one, that I move through him – maybe I should also travel very slowly inside, trying to share this new sense of timing with him.
28-5-2009 – to do list
* rewrite monologue: shorter text but keeping multiple layers; watch out for how it starts, choose a stronger beginning?
* choose and edit an alternative outer space image – the shape that can play with the planet shape, some sort of similar perspective and depth, but a content more connected to the piece (chairs landscape?). maybe an insert to notice in the zooming in?
* add a dash of colour in the Disney pic
* prepare a new slide show: more images, include more from the process, some blacks in between
18-5-2009 – comments and advise
remnants; the history behind it is not revealed and maybe unimportant; construction/unconstruction of the space; artifacts/remnants of the process; arbitrary structure/sequence.
sometimes there’s a comment on the material, which produces some distance. in between being ‘authentic’ and ironic. very loaded images taken lightly.
episodes, no sequential logic. really liked entering the space to a very casual, already started thing (the singing practice).
postmodern freezer wrap: what’s our relationship to the movement phrase, and how does it relate to other things? a ghost of the old and new piece together…
17-5-09 – I am a leech
how about using Will just as a body, sucking the love I need out of him? I could hand-surf him, for instance. how about kissing everyone in the audience, one by one? for instance, when entering the space, or right after singing the song – maybe while William plays with the beaer. how about taking someone from the audience for hand-surf?
what is my movement work? now I feel that it’s me that should be relating to inner spaces and emptyness…
17-5-09 – Lou Reed is the real thing
some propositions:
-try out the reading of texts, stay with them for a while; William reads, Pole makes a meess around – Pole reads, Will makes a mess or dances
-music: what and when to play, is it always for a dance? lou reed, frank sinatra, Illya Kuryaki, Bernard Herrmann, Radiohead, Joao Gilberto…
-blowing leaves moving after the movement phrase
-placing of images in the space = slideshow
-props: beamer, notebook, box with leaves, eye-leaves, stones, printed fotos, texts, fan, paper bag, foto camera
17-5-09 – what do I want?
a certain lightness, trying to get more personal and yet without taking myself too seriously.
what is it really being closer to the work, being more personal? it’s not about really personal but about the way things are performed. what is needed to work on that? it would be easier for me to approach it on more clear (set/decided) materials than in the impros. or: deciding which kind of quality to look for in the impros, like the lightness.
there is something about the set movement phrase which seems like the real disappearing (at least as I think about it now, sitting in the cafe), especially if we would do it together. it still feels like it could be the closing texture of the piece – disappearing in the impersonal. have I been doing that all my life, do I keep hiding myself in things, in choices, in composition? is that why I like the written text over the voice? how to perform things?
the written texts in their quantity start becoming very material – something like 30 pages or more, a very thick text texture, very dense ink on paper. I’m interested in that accumulation, I’ll keep it going, but maybe we don’t neet to work too much with them, they can just grow.
again, then, what is it to put less distance between me and the materials of the piece? how to do it without getting dramatic? feels like having to perform might be necessary in order to learn about that distance – ¿?
5-2009 – somewhere around here…
…there was a VERY big shift in the process. we started collecting very different materials. I started doing automatic writing. I entered the piece as a performer.
15-5-2009 – N.E.S.T. – M.E.S.S.
Sinatra (girl) – walking, ring, foto
singing – chair / 2 instances? lipsynch, unplugged
leaves out of the box – throw them up, throw them on gesture Will
disappearing gesture: willmill
fly me to the moon
blowing leaves with the box
paper bag
photos: bring in process/studio
taking pictures / touristic disregard
throwing stones
sliding and falling into dead man posture
texts: un-narrativity
5-2009 – for the lighting
a full space with accents only noticeable when he passes through
ESMA window light for one of the sittings
also for the sitting: look at the photo where the (architectural) beams create a fuge where his gaze goes to. there could be a subtle light beam/surface on the wall to accentuate his (Will’s) gaze
Walk: maybe once the lights come up he’s already in the walk (light catches him on his way) – but then it could start with some very dim back (light on the walls? only far away from him?) –> refer to very dark ESMA foto and the disappearing in the space between light and dark
8-5-2009 – guest
we rehearsed with Shiho Numata, a beautiful Japanese dancer. we taught her some of the materials. we looked at them performed by 2 people at the same time. Diego also came that day.
8-5-2009 – what is the “last” section?
this texture, I want it to be energetic, to bring up the issue of endurance and to transform the body – then probably it’s important to note, it should give a moment to see this transformed body. keywords to it should be: texture – endurance – energy – resonance. will it really provoke resonances? maybe it needs to be framed: say “Now comes the end. This is the true nature of the event. From now on it’s only this”.
Resonance – Trace
energy, an energized space, a charged space
it does seem quite exciting to set the whole last texture, but how? what is the criteria? and also, should it be movement related to the room or to a visualized space (a volume)?
maybe filling up could be done just through a hyper reduced phrase, a pattern (a proper texture?) – then it’s really about repetition-energy-transformation,.
limbs/outreaching movement is crucial to get the sweat and the breath. on the other hand, maybe is better to go for 3D rather than 2D. another kind of density, a different felt space (filling up).
6-5-2009 – propositions texture 2006
what relates to the room?
. bone structure
. projection, fronts
. out
. 2D?
. limbs
. lines
. directions
. (placement…)
. room writing
. visualizing rooms?
. disociation
. multiplicity in sequence
. multiplicity in simultaneity
. eye focus out/far
Disappear 