Disappear

a dance in another space, relating to the memory of others, channeling the presence of someone else

7-6-2009 – again that same question: what is this piece?

this piece is about me, about lacks and fears, unsatisfied personal necessities. it’s a piece that started as a personal desire to tell the story of los Desaparecidos with my choreographic language and ended up using the vocabulary of forced disappearance of people to tell my own story.

the question was: what is my personal connection to the subject, to the Argentinian history I wanted to tell. and then it happened.

someone disappeared from my life

I wanted to disappear out of –

out of certain contexts, I think, like school, places where I would meet you,

places where I was confronted with myself

suddendly I was facing all my insecurities, all the failures, and had the feeling that me, something of me, had disappeared. or that it had never been there. that the things of myself I was left with were so unsatisfying, so embarrasing, that I wanted them to disappear. I wanted to transform myself. I wanted to be better, to learn everything that I felt I hadn’t learned in 4 years at the SNDO, in 27 years of meeting people. I wanted more love. I still do. I wanted to have a say over who I am, or at least to be more able to see who I am. I ended up doing a piece that exposes a lot of personal things, and that feels like it’s not who I am.

I have to watch out for trying too much to fulfill someone else’s desires. I don’t demand (much) from the audience, and I offer no warranties. I offer what I can offer. I invite you to try to relate to it, I’d like to share. you don’t have to like it. I don’t do it for you. my work I’m doing for myself. I need you, I want you, but I offer what I want and can, and you choose if it’s for you. we meet in the theater and, sometimes, we like each other, and sometimes we don’t.

–> personal history

–> history of empty spaces (Will) – history of the process (Pole)
parallel histories that serve and inform the narrative of the personal: Argentina, the process, Death imagery

5-6-2009 – advise

too many directions, a bit difficult and confusing as a mix for an (uncontextualized) audience.

the older material (the abstract bare movement research material) had a very immediate quality that now is, paradoxically, gone.

there’s a need to understand the source of the materials in order to grasp them, a necessity for more information. the fact that it is now much more based on concrete actions and tasks demands more sense and clarity in terms of meaning.

cryptic – internal – not communicative enough

you need to step out and kill your darlings. look from outside, go analytical, choose what and how.

there is a dialogue between a conscious and an unconscious layer – what’s said is maybe different from what’s being thought. we can’t escape ourselves.

03-06-2009 – advise once more

it had better pacing, more directness, less hesitation… the collection of materials feels arbitrary and random,  but more clear now. the MC frames a lot the perception of things coming, it heightens certain aspects related to death and destruction.

are we singing the song to each other? are we trying to draw the audience into the song? our different idiosyncrasies come up during the singing and also during the sci-fi-outer-space-film-projections…

what is the mode of communication between us? when do things end or begin, how do we share cues and appointments?

maybe we could clean the space in the end? after a bow? while the audience leaves? before a bow?

01-06-2009 – pentecostés

during the first section: I do want to keep searching for a structure; the impros are fine but I also want to try out organizing it – the danger is in loosing the episodic/fragmentary feel and the playfulness between us two. it could become quite stiff…

31-5-2009 – rehearsal for free

SloMo solo in the westerpark:

– find a way to enter: the transition is very important, he should take a moment to enter the walk without rushing, more overlapping with the leaves
– the curve needs to end up not too much to the side
– more projection from eyes and chest
– in the embrace, more projections through the fingers to then draw back from the pelvis first; no more stepping once it started
– transitions: longer, dont’ forget head, don’t do very risky things (e.g., balance)